A Matter of Voice

Every person is entitled to an opinion. Whether the other person accepts it or no, that’s another thing. But we all are entitled to an opinion of our own. We all come from different set of backgrounds and ideas. Our outlook towards life and everything that transpires is different. And so it all translates into our opinions about people, situations and life in general. So what exactly is the problem at all? Nothing really! When you actually sit down to analyse it. But yes, the problem does persist. Staring straight into our eyes. The problem of forcing our opinion on others.

Well, as much as we all want our opinions to be heard and patronised, that’s not how others perceive it. When we are at the receiving end, there are a complex heap of emotions, ideas and attitudes that make us all perceive a given opinion in a certain way. And that certain way may not exactly be the way the opinion maker hoped it to be.

We all love our voice being heard. Who doesn’t? A teacher who imparts knowledge in school is just as desperate for her voice to be heard, as a politician who wishes his voice is heard (even though just for a tad bit of time before the elections) by the people of our nation. The teacher and politician, here are deliberately placed on opposite ends of the scale in terms of their monetary compensations. For starters, a teacher in our country is indeed meagerly paid. Even the peon so to say makes more money. And, our very own netas rake in all the moolah is no news. The point being, everyone wants their voice to be heard. But is anyone actually listening. We all hear. But do we listen? The voice may be audible enough, but are the words really being understood? I’m not quite sure.

A month ago, my aunt called up my father and uncle and arranged for an urgent meeting. The siblings are only namesake. Like most of us, they too never got a chance to choose their family. It’s the almighty’s gift! Pun intended. ;) The 3 siblings in point here only share a strict cordial relationship, and emotions are far too away packed in a goody box. They do come in handy when crisis strikes. Well, what’s family for if they don’t help you when you’re down and under. 

So, as the trio met up, my aunt began lamenting about her family issues. She is a lady who is almost 30 years in matrimony and may have spent only about 3 years in marital bliss. With absolutely no support and love from the husband, she’s a self-made woman who’s managed a plush 2BHK apartment in one of the prime suburban locale of the city. With one son who’s been perpetually faking his career choice, the boy settled for taking after his mom’s indemnity business. A rather easy way out, but smart one!  He tried his hand at practically everything that his mother coaxed him to do, but his voice went unheard by the autocratic mother. My aunt was every bit on cloud nine with her high flying hatchback car that she plonked on with utmost pride, a son who was taking over her successful empire, a plush house and ya, that’s about it. But the point is, she was ecstatic to the point of delirium. We all knew it had a flip side considering her ego inflated with each passing year. But who’s to tell. The lady’s young lad tied the knot with a semi urban girl who’s caught between the traditional and modernism of it all. A rather quiet gal, the daughter-in-law (DIL) comes across as shy and timid, but her eyes oh boy! They speak a million words, much more than she may actually utter in a years’ time. Her eyes are scary borderline sadistic. And while I noticed this on my very first interaction with her, I found out that although I may voice my opinion, little is anyone going to believe it.

So, while I saved my opinion for until now, a year went by. The newlyweds went berserk on social media posting just how much, when, where, what they loved about each other. A minute by minute update of every little detail. Now that’s something eh! While the son turned all his attention to his wife, the mother was royally ostracised. Left alone to sulk and lick her wounds while she narrated her dilemma to her brothers. She began quetching about her DIL and son. And how they ignored her, how they ill-treated her, how the DIL didn’t offer her the sabudana khichdi she once made, how she just wouldn’t listen to her MIL, how she would not pay heed to any decision the MIL made, how she would be this bandit in front of her MIL and the pitiful puppy just when the son walked in, how she later became audacious enough to back answer her MIL and through all this, the son supported his wife leaving his mother raging for good. Well, these are just a few instances. But the matter of the fact was that, my aunt, who was this high-and-mighty woman, the boss lady, the dominant one with voice so harsh and strong (you have to hear her talk, the lady has a shrill voice), was suddenly thrown away from her hot seat, straight into la la land where no one cared about her or her opinion. She had lost her form. She had lost her say. She had lost her voice.

A week after I learnt about her plight from my parents, I felt sorry for her. Sorry for the fact that she tortured my mother at every step of her way when my mom was newly married. For 11 years, she fuelled the fire at my grandparent’s, and was the cause of several showdowns there. I felt sorry that she had a terrible equation with her husband and her in-laws who swear not to stand by her even as she’s left all alone today. Well, maybe if she shrieks in her good ol’ shrill voice, they’d all turn up under sheer fear. But ya! I feel sorry that she could force her opinions on her son in his early years and most importantly for the fact that she created an in-erasable mark on every person’s heart that calls her a ‘high-flying swellhead’. 

With acute knowledge about her personality and attitude, I really did manage to gather some sympathy for the woman. At a recent family wedding event when I saw her groove to her ever-so popular dance move on the hit Marathi track ‘Baaghtoy Rickshawala’, at that very moment when she rolled up for her signature rickshawala step, I had this sudden intervention, that she wasn’t doing it with all her heart and there was something missing. That passion with which she would dance away to glory on that particular song, "that" passion was missing. Her dance moves that day in fact showed her helplessness in rebooting her life’s rickshaw at all. She, was unable to start her rickshaw! There she was, my aunt who was lonelier than lonely. And yes, her eyes did voice this harsh reality.

After continued insistence by my aunt that my dad speak to her son and counsel him on the matter, the meeting never happened. My dad followed up with my oh-so busy cousin for an appointment to discuss family matters for over a month. But to no avail. Hey, may be my dad should have told him he needed a new insurance policy! That would’ve worked! Damn! And I as usual moved on with my life. And so did everyone. With my cousin’s continued ignorance, my dad realised he had no business meddling in other’s business and that his voice had no value there. So he decided to back off after about 20 days. My mum on the other hand decided to raise her voice, call up my cousin and take matters into her hands.

But just after that happened, we all were thrashed in our very backs by one update. An update when I speak today, has to be the social media one! What else! My aunt changed her solo Facebook profile picture, to one where she had carried her DIL in her hands. Yes. My aunt was ecstatic in the picture, and her DIL was happy borderline shocked in it.

I called up my mom right away to find out what’s the matter with my aunt! My mom was miffed about the fact that my aunt was always a gamer and she played yet another one like a wolf. And I, on the other hand was awed by the fact that my aunt actually had that much a muscle to carry a 50 kilogram girl in her hands! Some brawn she’s got I wondered!

A week later, we all gathered for a family party. While my aunt and her son showed up, the DIL was missing. Members of my family told me that the DIL is unwell. We all suspected a baby in the onset. My cousin blushed away to glory for all the attention he was getting that evening. My aunt was strangely upbeat that evening. When we asked her where’s her DIL, she cleared the pregnancy air and said that she has a severe throat infection, and hence couldn’t make it for the party.

Well, well, well! Now here was my aunt who had lost her voice and it all! But that very day, she seemed to have gained it all back in a flash! Her DIL had lost her voice! What better news than that! Here was my aunt who happily trotted all evening because her DIL had lost her voice & hence opinion! (Now what’s an opinion without a voice really?!) She was advised two weeks of rest and medicare. And my aunt knew that 2 weeks was more than enough for her to get her voice back to being shrill and be at the top of her game! She could win back her son and her place in the household and take utmost advantage of her DIL’s lost voice!

Now you know why the image was updated on Facebook! My aunt loves her DIL more than ever today.

That's the circle of voice.. oh sorry.. life! 

PS: My aunt will kill me after reading my opinion, but I couldn’t resist voicing it. If she’s a wolf, I’m a fox! ;)